Nothing Broke

It started as most normal days do.

Work to complete, conversations to close, a routine day.

So my mind has the blueprint of a normal day, being present, focused and completing the pending tasks.

During the day at some time, I was asked to close something urgently.

It needed good focus.

So I handled it by the book.

Following every step and noting every word.

Halfway through the task, the meaning of what I was doing completely changed.

Ofcourse not by me.

But, just enough to make it look like it was completely wrong.

Before I could speak, my brain understood something.

Some situations don’t collapse just like that.

They adjust themselves till a point where you’re the only one that doesn’t fit the puzzle.

Like a box carrying the pieces, outside you might think you matter and reality has something else.

Later, I was told it was necessary to do something else with the best possible smile.

The one that can intimidate you and still make you do things. 

That’s still fine coz, who cares? As long as it’s getting closed.

Some things just seem to work better, as long as we are not considering the other person’s feelings.

In another part of the day, things felt lighter.

Jokes and lighter conversations.

The kind that arrive when everything seems empty and leave when something else fills the void.

At some point, I tried to place something simple into my life.

Not an effort, not some huge planning.

Just some presence.

The kind that should exist and is necessary without needing a reason.

It stayed empty.

Not refused or ignored.

Just empty space to build a safe

Later, I noticed time could stretch.

Expand easily and adjust somewhere else without hesitation.

Which made things clearer than any explanation could.

It was never about time.

It was about preference. 

Somewhere in between, attention shifted.

It already decided the path to follow.

And that’s okay.

Things move where they feel natural.

Back in the other space, I finished something.

There was a moment in the middle of it where I didn’t feel that I didn’t belong in my own skin.

Like I had stepped away for the work to continue without me getting in the way.

It worked better like that coz there is no interruption of me for my work.

By the end, it was complete.

Recognized.

The difference? Well, the boomerang of recognition landed elsewhere

It arrived, but not for me, even though I threw it.

How ironic, you say? but its all about finishing a task.

There was a remark not for showing concern, just curiosity of correction.

The kind that corrects you, without trying to understand you.

And everything here is fine, why wouldn’t it be?

Emotions have to be said elsewhere after all.

Nothing broken , none to blame…  actually scratch that, my thoughts and actions  to blame. 

That’s what made it stay.

Because it didn’t explode.

It didn’t demand attention.

It just sat there.

Like realizing you can give something your everything and still you don’t exist when it lands back.

It is like appreciating the person who can read the time, not the one who made the clock.

Like understanding that being there and being held are not the same thing.

And I know nothing here is wrong.

I know that.

People choose where they move.

Things settle where they’re received, nothing to do with who made them. 

Still…

Somewhere between showing up fully and not being held with the same weight back, something in me changed.

Not enough to stop anything.

Not enough to react.

Just enough to make me feel like I was a tad bit outside of where I thought I belonged.

Nothing broke.

Nothing needs fixing.

But for a moment, that was enough to hurt.